1. How
do you know baseball players are rich? 
2. What did Zero say to Eight? 
3. Why don't elephants like to go to
the beach? 
4. What kind of soda do trees drink? 
5. Where do chickens go on vacation? 
6. What did the baseball glove say to
the ball? 
7. What did the paper say to the pencil? 
8. Why did the light bulb fail his math
test? 
9. Why did the boy eat his homework?
10. How do you make one disappear? 
11. Where do kids learn the ABCs?
12. If two balls of string ran a race,
which one would win?
13. What did the librarian say to the noisy
vegetables?
14. How do bees get to school?
15. What kind of pictures do sailors paint?
16. Have you heard the one about the jumprope?
17. Where do crayons go on vacation?
18. Why did the clock get sent to the
principal's office?
19. Why did the baseball player shut down
his website?
20. Where does a sheep put his books?
21. Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
22. What did the light bulb say when it
was turned off?
23. What kind of house weighs the least?
24. What happened when the students tied
their shoelaces together?
25. What did the pen say to the paper?
26. What is a lion's favorite thing to
study in history?
27. Why aren't elephants allowed at the
beach?
28. What did the policeman say to the popsicle?
29. Why did the rabbit's teachers go on
strike?
30. Why did the tree fail his math test?
31. Why did the bald man put a rabbit on
his head?
32. What do a pencil and a joke have in
common?
33. What do you get when you cross two
chickens and a brown cow?
34. What did one math book say to the other
math book?
35. Why is 6 afraid of 7?
36. What do you get if you divide the
circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
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37. What did the shark eat with the peanut
butter?
38. What are caterpillars afraid of?
39. Where did the farmer take his pigs
on a sunny Sunday afternoon?
40. Why did the baseball player bring
rope to the game?
41. Why should you never tell secrets
in a cornfield?
42. Do you know why bees buzz and hum
so much? 
43. Do you know how to catch a unique rabbit? How do you catch a tame rabbit?
44. What did the shrimp say when the lobster
stole his food?
45. What did one strawberry say to the
other?
46. Why is a dog so hot in the summer?
47. What do you call a
fish with two knees?
48. Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great
fall? 
49. Why was the inchworm angry? 
50. Why did the flute break
up with the harp? 
51. What happens to an air
conditioner when you pull its plug? 
52. Why isn’t your nose
twelve inches long? 
53. Did you hear the joke about
butter?
54. What did the girl cantaloupe
say to the boy cantaloupe? 
55. What do you call cheese
that is not yours? 
56. What did Mama Tomato tell Baby Tomato
when he was walking too slow?
57. What did the sushi
say to the bee? 
58. Why didn't the teddy bear
eat his dinner? 
59. What do you call a cow
that can't give milk? 
60. How do you fix a broken
pizza? 
61. What do you call a couple
of doctors? 
62. What’s the name of the vampire
who lives in your kitchen? 
63. What did Ernie say when Bert asked
him if he wanted ice cream?
64. Why did the baby cookie cry? 
65. What did one plate say to the other? 
66. Why did the orange stop in the middle
of the road? 
67. What’s the difference between
a teacher and a train? 
68. What did the lipstick say to the teacher
when she got a bad grade? 
69. Where did the belly dancer go to college? 
70. What do you get when you cross a teacher
with a vampire?
71. What’s the tallest building in
the world? 
72. What is a cow’s favorite subject
in school?
73. What did one book of maps say to the
other book of maps? 
74. Why did the scientist install a knocker
on his front door? 
75. Did you hear the one about the cross-eyed
teacher? 
76. What kind of boat do smart kids travel
on? 
77. What do you call a tree that grows
poems instead of fruit? 
78. Where do pencils go on vacation?
79. Can February march?
80. How did the butcher introduce his
wife to his friends? 
81. What did the egg say to the farmer?
82. What did one decimal say to another? 
83. What do you call a tuba player, a
trombone player, and a drummer when it’s a hundred
degrees outside?
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84. What do you call a crate full of ducks? 
85. What's the difference
between a train conductor and a teacher? 
86. Why do giraffes make good friends? 
87. What do lions say before they go hunting
for food? 
88. What do you get when you cross a bear
with a cow? 
89. What’s the difference between
a bird and a fly? 
90. Why does steak taste better in space? 
91. Why do gingerbread men wear pants? 
92. Why wasn't the butterfly invited to
the dance? 
93. Why don’t nuts go out at night? 
94. Why don’t frogs get life insurance? 
95. What do you get if you cross a hunting
dog with a journalist? 
96. What did the left eye say to the right
eye? 
97. Did you hear the one about the quicksand? 
98. Why did the mop visit the broom? 
99. What did the dirt say to the rain? 
100. What did one caterpillar say to the
other? 
101. What do farmers like most about school? 
102. Did you hear about the butcher who
backed into the meat grinder? 
103. What do chickens study for? 
104. What did the buffalo say when his
boy went off to college? 
105. Why can’t leopards cheat on
tests? 
106. What kind of food likes to talk? 
107. Why did the art student fail his
test? 
108. What color is the wind? 
109. Why couldn’t the frog find
his car? 
110. Why do mummies like the holidays? 
111. What kind of witch sits on sand? 
112. What kind of tree is always sad? 
113. Did you hear the one about the pig
who did his own laundry? 
114. How do you wake up Lady Gaga? 
115. How do you paint a rabbit? 
116. Where do horses live? 
117. Why did the runner bring his barber
to the Olympics? 
118. What kind of animal is smarter than
a talking parrot? 
119. When does it rain money? 
120. Why shouldn't you cry when a cow
slips and falls? 
121. Where do snowflakes dance? 
122. What kind of car do elk drive? 
123. Why are chefs considered cruel? 
124. Why did the repairman write on sandpaper?
125. What did one earthquake say to the
other? 
126. What kind of train makes people sneeze? 
127. Did you hear the one about the fungus?
128. What do you call a pig that wins a
jackpot?
129. If Frosty the Snowman married a vampire
what would they name their child?
130. Who says "Oh! Oh! Oh!"?
131. Why can't you keep secrets in a bank?
132. Where did King Arthur go to college?
133. Where do baseball players wash their
socks?
134. What can be right but never wrong?
135. What do you call a kitten that cheats
on a test?
136. Who's the best dressed animal?
137. Why do scientists like baseball?
138. Which travels faster, heat or cold?
139. Did you hear the one about the broken
pencil?
140. How did the music teacher clean his
teeth?
141. What's a ghost's favorite
painting?
142. Which state is round on
the ends and high in the middle?
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